Strength

I’m trying so hard not to explode
(Swallow it down, count to ten, close my eyes)

My fingers curl into shaking fists
(Don’t cry, don’t scream, keep my mouth shut)

Make myself take a deep breath
(Inhale, exhale, no chattering teeth or trembling lips)

Force my eyes level with yours
(Keep my chin up, my gaze steadily fixed on you)

Refuse to let you see I am terrified
(Shoulders down, don’t hug myself, my knees firm)

Calmly soothe your hurt feelings
(Sweat down my back, shaking, ignore the nausea)

Pretend I’m fine to confuse you
(Go away, go away, go away, go away, go away)

Collapse when you finally leave
(Hug myself, start to cry, so much weight is gone)