The Room

There’s a hallway in my dreams that I’ve never been able to place in reality. Yet, at the same time, it’s utterly familiar. I know this hallway intimately. Do I only recognize a path I have walked many times in my sleep, or is there another reason it calls to me?

This hallway haunts me. At the other end is a closed room, with a door that I don’t dare open. I don’t know why. I only know that there is some inherent evil on the other side.

Still, every night, I walk the same footsteps, until I am once again standing in front of the door. I press my hands against the wood, and it feels hot against my skin, and I can never bring myself to turn the handle. What is behind there? Why do I fear it so much?

I can’t answer these questions from my side of the door, but I can’t open it, either. An impasse.

Until one random day when I’m lying down on my couch. My head isn’t comfortable against the armrest, so I end up pushing it further and further back, until finally my head is actually hanging upside down. I casually view the hallway from this new angle.

What I see is the same hallway from my dreams. The one I dread each night, yet somehow never noticed before was mine all along. At the end of the hallway is the same room that’s always been there, now inversed.

His room.

Suddenly, I know why I am always afraid in my dreams. I’m afraid now. I quickly sit upright, and ignore the hallway and the room at the far end. The door that’s always locked.

That night, I’m in the hallway again. Only, this time, I don’t walk towards the door. Instead, I turn around and try to run away, only I can’t. The door always appears in front of me, no matter which way I look. It looms closer and closer.

Now, I’m there again, standing in front of the closed door. My hands press against the wood. I glance down at the handle, fearfully, and am not surprised to see it finally turn.

No. No, please no. I don’t want to go into that room. Not that room where he went inside and hanged himself, and never came out again. I don’t want to go inside, yet I already am. The door’s open. The room’s the same as I remember, even after all these years.

The noose is waiting.

The Fall

Cast down from among the stars

The moonlight pierces my wings
Shades of silver covers my spent
And broken form like a promise
All my remaining dust and ether
Wasted in the journey of my fall

I am now only shattered fragments 

Of stained glass, the pieces scattered
And forgotten, timeless and precious
So I collect them all with care, reform
That lost picture, yet still all I have now
Are memories of being forever forsaken

In the Dark

We can’t hide anymore.

For a long time, our safe places were secret. Our people could walk the forests during the day without fear, knowing that once night fell they could all disappear before the danger appeared.

But then the floods came, and now the safe places are impassible. There’s nowhere to go.

Night falls.

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Want to know what happens next? Check out the full and edited story here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07FVY71NW.

Burnt and Broken

So now you’ve finally made it
You’ve achieved the goal
Was it worth everything
You ever gave up to get here

Was it worth it to hurt me
To hurt yourself and everyone
Who ever tried to love you
To throw us all away like we’re

Garbage to get tossed aside
When you’re through, bored
Of me and all the dreams we
Shared that didn’t help you

Pull your way up to the top
Because you come first, I
Completely understand, but
Did you have to give me hope

Why did you promise me
Forever just to take it away
When you changed your mind
Did you ever really mean them

The promises that you whispered
In my ear at nights, the love
You said was mine, and did you
Have to ignore me and all your

Friends trying to be there for
You when things were rough
How does it feel when you look
Around and no one’s there now

So was it worth all the pain

You went through, the fights
And crying that you caused
Burning all your many bridges

Standing Up

My feet pound the pavement and I can’t stop running
Don’t even want to try stopping right now
I’ve got too much shit to do and too much shit to feel
To pause my life and think about you

I’m standing up, facing my problems head-on
I’m standing up, learning to walk alone again
I’m standing up, hoping to try one more time
I’m standing up, starting the path to my dreams

There’s too little time to get a handle on my life
Got a future to finally settle into
Need to put my past on the backburner for now
Close my eyes and take that leap

I’m standing up, facing my problems head-on
I’m standing up, learning to walk alone again
I’m standing up, hoping to try one more time
I’m standing up, starting the path to my dreams

Sometimes I remember you
Remember that look on your face
When I left for the last time
It haunts me every night
That I wrecked us forever
But I can’t go back to yesterday
No, I can’t regret that I finally left
That I stopped letting you hold me back

I’m standing up, facing my problems head-on
I’m standing up, learning to walk alone again
I’m standing up, hoping to try one more time
I’m standing up, starting the path to my dreams

I know I’m going to falter but I swear I’ll get back up
As many times, as many ways, as I need to
Maybe I might trip but I’ll learn to catch myself
Now I know just what I need

I’m standing up, facing my problems head-on
I’m standing up, learning to walk alone again
I’m standing up, hoping to try one more time
I’m standing up, starting the path to my dreams

I’m standing up, saying good-bye to what I knew
I’m standing up, trusting in myself to know the way
I’m standing up, believing that this time will be good
I’m standing up, knowing that someday I’ll make it

When Yes Is Still No

Let’s talk for a minute, because I don’t think this gets addressed often enough. There’s plenty of discussion nowadays about how to say no when someone wants to, without feeling guilty and needing to make up for it later. This is extremely important, and absolutely a topic that everyone should be discussing and encouraging. However, there’s another related topic that no one’s talking about, and I feel like it’s past time that we do.

Sometimes, people are in situations, for whatever reason, where they literally cannot leave and cannot force the other person to leave. It’s easy enough to tell people to say no, though I’ll admit it’s much more difficult to actually implement in practice. Still, learning to understand that sometimes no isn’t even an option is more important. People need to know that sometimes it’s not a matter of conviction, but that someone may be literally unable to leave for various reasons, including legal, financial, or physical.

Someone who is unable to leave, despite what they want, is not at fault for their situation. Someone who is can’t say no, despite wanting to, is still not saying yes. There is no true consent in a relationship unless someone can actually say no without repercussions. So while teaching people to say no is vital, and teaching people to accept when someone says no to them even more so, I believe that teaching people to not feel ashamed or guilty when they can’t say no is perhaps the more important lesson.

We need to let people know that they’re not a failure every time they don’t fight back when they can’t escape their current situation. Everyone needs to realize that some people truly can’t just change their current circumstances, can’t fight back, can’t escape, can’t say no, and these people are not in any way at fault for their situation. These people are still victims, and are not to be blamed.

By all means, teach people how to say no, how to stand up for themselves. This is necessary. Just also remember to teach people that, when someone says they don’t have that option, it’s not an opportunity to tell them how to be assertive. It’s not the time to debate with them about their situation.

Judging someone (especially when it’s disguised as well-meaning help or advice) for something they literally cannot change is not fair, and definitely not helpful, and people need to stop. Someone trapped in a situation where they can’t say no is already struggling every single day to survive. They don’t need condescension or guilt trips or a lecture when they already feel so much shame in themselves for never being able to say what they really want to.

It’s easy enough to tell people to just say no when no is an option, but maybe it’s time we tell people that it’s okay to say yes when there’s no other option available to them. It’s still not consent, merely survival when there’s no other way forward, and people shouldn’t be made to feel ashamed of themselves for this.

My Colors

Tonight I’m wearing black and blue
My special clothes just for you
Used to be my best colors were
Pink and purple, red and blue,
Black and green. Now it’s silver,
The only color you can’t beat me

What words does my skin say
Stamped as the property of you
I wish that I could wash it clean
But your marks go much too deep
Past the surface and into my soul
No way to cut that all out of me

My colors, they used to define me
Now it’s only you that uses them
Places them on me so tenderly
Adds a new one each time they fade
A damn kaleidoscope across my flesh
Twisting and turning to entertain you

A pretty little decoration that you’ve made
One color at a time applied just right
Blending into the others so easily
Like my body was just waiting for you
But the joke’s on you, I kept one color
To myself, my secret treasure jewel

I still see colors you can’t control
Parts of me not dyed by your love
One day I’ll stop being your canvas
Waiting for you to paint a picture
All down my back. The brushes will
Get thrown away in the damn trashcan

Until then, I’m your art, your prize
Your perfect picture of the sunrise
All soft colors that will brighten over time
As the heat sets in, yeah, and then you’ll
Step back and admire your many talents
Hang me on the wall and leave me to dry

Tonight I’m wearing black and blue
My special clothes just for you
Used to be my best colors were
Pink and purple, red and blue,
Black and green. Now it’s silver,
The only color you can’t beat me