Unseen

Sometimes, a growl will crawl up my throat
My eyes will narrow, my fingers will transform
Into claws as I hiss and scratch and bite
My nostrils flaring and my balance on my toes
Teeth bared and breath leaving me in heaving pants
I will curse, I will spit, I will shriek in fury

Inside, I am curled up in the darkest corner

Deep in the shadows where I will be safe
From the monster prowling, while my hands
Cover my ears, my eyes squeezed tightly closed
Humming under my breath until the madness
Passes and the outside world belongs to me again

Strength

I’m trying so hard not to explode
(Swallow it down, count to ten, close my eyes)

My fingers curl into shaking fists
(Don’t cry, don’t scream, keep my mouth shut)

Make myself take a deep breath
(Inhale, exhale, no chattering teeth or trembling lips)

Force my eyes level with yours
(Keep my chin up, my gaze steadily fixed on you)

Refuse to let you see I am terrified
(Shoulders down, don’t hug myself, my knees firm)

Calmly soothe your hurt feelings
(Sweat down my back, shaking, ignore the nausea)

Pretend I’m fine to confuse you
(Go away, go away, go away, go away, go away)

Collapse when you finally leave
(Hug myself, start to cry, so much weight is gone)

Listen

Take a deep breath
Just let it go
This separation will hurt
It will tear you apart
But that is so much better
Than dying slowly from the inside out
This pain will be worth it
In the end
It’s better than being numb
So pull away now
Us all of your strength
Make it hurt so deeply
That you’re wounded and bleeding
It will scar
One day you will be strong enough
To be proud of that imperfection
It shows that you survived
You are strong
So let go
You can handle this
You can go on

VR

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Should have known the day I met you
The only life you live is the one you sleep through
I guess you can’t decide which quest to do
You load up on experience and forget that I’m here too

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Waiting for you when you’re never gonna appear
Having to make excuses when you disappear
Looking for your face in a crowd when I know you’re not here
Wondering how many days will pass before you reappear

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Every secret is unknowable
I ask but you don’t hear
And I’d like to be there for you
But you’re gone when I turn around
Every day is a fight
Just to know if I exist
In whatever world you’re building

You claim to want me
But one minute is all it takes
For me to be alone again
I have to confess the truth
That I would like to count
On you sometimes, to call out
Your name knowing you’ll respond

‘Cause you’re not the only one
Who needs someone to depend on

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Whenever I think we should move forward, you’re stuck

Always in a frenzy to make a few more bucks
The lights are dim and you don’t give a fuck
If you want make-believe then I guess you’re out of luck