One Night Encounter

I’m sure that there are worse ways to spend the last few weeks of summer, but being homeless is the worst way that I’ve ever vacationed. I’m walking along a random street, trying not to think about how completely my life’s been screwed over during the past couple of weeks.

I thought that getting my own place for the summer would be the best kind of vacation. A friend of mine agreed, and so we rented an apartment together. Maybe I shouldn’t have agreed to move across the country in order to room with my friend, but hey, it was an adventure, right?

Some fucking adventure. My friend split on me, but not before lying about paying his share of the rent. I came back from hiking one day to find an eviction notice stating that if I didn’t have my shit out of there within twenty-four hours, the landlord would call the police.

I packed up my backpack, all I could carry with me, and left. I was even nice enough to leave my key there, because I figured it wasn’t the landlord’s fault that my roommate was a freaking liar. I have some cash on me, but it’s not nearly enough to get me back home. Maybe enough to eat for another week. So now I’m spending the last of my holiday living on the streets and trying to survive long enough to get the hell out of here. I can’t call my mom, either. She doesn’t have the money to spare, and all that she could do is worry.

About the only good luck I’ve had since then is that I found a job for a week or two, just long enough to earn me enough cash to buy a bus ticket out of this shithole. That, and I got a ride my first day to work from some guy that let me stay at his house the night before in exchange for a blowjob. Not exactly my idea of a good time, since he wasn’t attractive at all, but at least I got a steak dinner out of it, too.

I couldn’t stay at that guy’s place another night, though. Didn’t want to. Since then, I’ve been holed up in a homeless shelter during the night, trying not to think about how many diseases I could catch in a place like that. Beats just trying to find some spot to sleep at on the sidewalk, though. Probably less dangerous, too. Maybe.

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Light Me Up

Why does this light
Feel so cold around you
Now, in this dark room
There’s no comfort here

I want you to light a fire
In me, but nothing seems to catch
All this waiting for sparks to fly
Going colder every day now

Ancient words of love mean
Nothing coming from your lips
Turning to ash as they leave
Your mouth, drifting away

I want you to light a fire
In me, but nothing seems to catch
All this waiting for sparks to fly
Going colder every day now

Should I just leave this grave
Claw my way free and breathe
Fresh air again, find somewhere
Else to lie down for eternity

But how can I leave this
When I’m still hoping for
That warmth to appear, light
Up my soul, we can do it

You can do it, after all

I want you to light a fire
In me, but nothing seems to catch
All this waiting for sparks to fly
Going colder every day now

I want you to light a fire

In me, but nothing seems to catch
All this waiting for sparks to fly
Going colder every day now

Our Worth

You know all your worries
All those fallen plans
Forget about them and take
A deep breath, love yourself

You know how things never seem
To work out like you planned
Toss the blueprints in the trash
You don’t need them anymore

The relationship that went nowhere
Every time you start to trust
Hold your friends closer instead, be
Thankful that they’re always there

You know how life is full of surprises
Breaking down just when you need it
Learn how to build something new
Carve them out with your own two hands

You know how life can be so grand

Fill you up from the inside, heart full
Makes everything else so worth
The time you took to build before

Thorns

No sermon here
Nothing to fear
I know you warned me
Told me the truth

I didn’t listen
Threw away your letters
Drowned out your words
Cut out your kindness

Waiting to catch a break
But still won’t set a date
For telling myself to toss
Out this fantasy life

Really need to get my act together
Need to believe you when you say
I’m doing nothing here but hurting
Bruising my heart once again

So hard to hear the harsh things
You say, painful pricks digging in
I’m bleeding in this shell, sowing
A field of thorns that creep out

Turn my face away from reality
Your voice falls on my closed ears
You try and try to save me
But I’m already starting to drown

I know that I don’t have the time
To make this mistake in my life
Still, I can’t seem to walk away
Bury my heart in this sharp forest

Of thorns

Control

Listen to me
It’s not too late
Be kinder to yourself
Make those promises
Keep them, your health
Is more important than
Anything else, be selfish
For once, crying is fine
Nothing weak about emotions
Don’t always have to
Be so hard
Just be true to yourself
You matter, your wishes and hopes
Dreams and goals
Sacrifice can be necessary
Still, take time for you
Be happy
This is your life