In This Place - Volume 2

The journey continues... This is the second volume of my poetry. Come join me on my path of joy and sorrow and failure and redemption.

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The edited and full second volume of my poetry is here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07KMSYQQ3.

Lost & Found: The Tale of Gwen & Henley

This definitely isn’t somewhere that I’m familiar with. Not that waking up someplace strange is anything new, sadly. I wonder where I am. I wonder how long I was gone, this time. What day it is. At least I’m dressed. I hate waking up naked. I hate looking at my body.

Still, these clothes aren’t anything that I’d wear. They’re too tight, and fit much too closely to my body. Just being here, in these clothes, is very uncomfortable, and I’m alone right now. I can’t imagine being around people while wearing this.

I’m going to be seen, though, aren’t I. I have to figure out where I am, which means walking out of these woods. What the hell was Henley doing all alone in these woods, anyway? I don’t know, and I can’t ask. Not without risking her coming back and myself going away again so soon.

I really want to know how long it’s been this time. Have only a few hours passed? A few days? Weeks? Longer? The longest time that I’ve missed so far was three months, and it was terrible. I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror for weeks afterwards, disgusted by what I saw.

My therapist says that I looked healthier then. That’s not what I saw, though I suppose she’s right. I know, really, that she’s right. That I have an eating disorder. Anorexia. That what I see when I look at myself isn’t the same as what everyone else sees. Sometimes, knowing this helps.

And sometimes, it doesn’t.

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Gwen goes away inside when she doesn't want to deal with food, and then Henley takes over. They've coexisted like this for years, but now Henley is developing her own problems with eating. Will the two of them be able to find some balance with each other, or will they both just be wandering around lost in the woods forever, following a trail of bread crumbs that leads nowhere?

This short story is a modern retelling of the classic fairy tale, "Hansel & Gretel".

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Want to read more? Check out this short story here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07PQ4SJCR.

Trapped

Why can’t I seem to make myself
Get up and do the things I must
Feel so dead inside, yet can’t decide
How to make myself become better
There’s some path that I can’t figure out
Some kind of map that leads the way
Have no compass to point me
Nothing is moving, nothing is living
Tear my hair out to feel something new
Never helps, I’m stuck in this damn rut
Like a mouse trapped in a maze with no end
How do I make myself do this anymore
I feel so tired, so tired, of not even trying
Still can’t do anything but watch as my
Whole world crashes down and down
Nothing left but ashes by this point
Nowhere to go, nowhere to grow
Build myself a coffin to lie in forever

Secrets, Secrets

Secrets, secrets
I must keep
Down inside me
So, so deep

Hear me roar
Hear me cry
Want to scream
Want to die

Burn my tongue
Can’t escape
These thoughts too
Loud in my mindscape

Acid, acid
Dripping down
So far down
Going to drown

Can’t speak

Can’t breathe
Can’t defeat
Can’t leave

Inevitable

Can’t stand it, can’t stand it
Anymore
Trapped in here, trapped in here
Forever
No way out, no way out
Circular
Can’t keep up, can’t keep up
Tired
Want to leave, want to leave
Stuck
Break it down, break it down
Helpless
Locked inside, locked inside
Bleeding
Want to change, want to change
Inevitable

Collision

Hear me whisper in your ear
What am I saying to you?
Are we going to pretend you
Can’t hear me when I’m right here?

My thoughts collide and explode
Inside of me is a kaleidoscope
Shifting and changing so constantly
I can’t ever see the whole picture clearly

What am I supposed to say to make you
Understand the way that I feel inside?
How I’m screaming so loud yet no one knows
No one notices the emptiness growing more

Wonder how long I can keep this up

Feel like I’m going to implode
Won’t let go, but it’s no use
Can’t feel my soul anymore