Coping

Why am I crying
Why am I sad
Can’t answer these questions
I’m going mad

Dealing with you
Is driving me to drinking
I can’t understand what
You need or want from me

You were so right for me
Until you really weren’t
Then I slowly realized
That you never really were

Now I have to let you go
Cut you loose and move on
But you just won’t leave
My heart, my skin, my soul

My hands refuse to release
I know what’s best, but I can’t
Too weak to heal, too weak to heal
Just hanging around waiting

Why am I sad
Why am I mad
Can’t handle all these damn
Questions and feelings

How to throw it away
How to stop wanting to die
Thinking of living without
Seeing you every day

Your smile means everything
Even more than my blood
More than anything, I think
I just want you to be happy

Do I make you happy
Am I meaningful to you
I guess I’ll stick around
Only if you say so, though

Why can’t I do

What’s right for me
Is this weakness
Am I so selfless

No, it’s selfishness here
I don’t want to find out
Who I am without you
Beside me, keeping me here

Now and then, I picture
Leaving you behind me
But then I can never see
What could possibly happen next

So I’m staying here
Slowly going insane
And you stay, because
You made me this way

Why am I here Why can’t I go How am I supposed to leave When there’s nowhere else to go

Good Wishes

Taste the tears
Fight the fears
Dry your eyes and smile

What a happy day
Everybody laugh
No one hears the scream

Come on, all of us
Let’s raise our hands and pray
The revolution is here
Our neighbors are fighting
We need to give them strength
Good thoughts and wishes all

Fun, fun, everyone
Dance around for me
See my pleased grin

Puppets on a string
Every one of us
Happiness dries up

Come on, all of us
Let’s raise our hands and pray
The revolution is here
Our neighbors are fighting
We need to give them strength
Good thoughts and wishes all

Chilly in this loneliness
Cling just a little closer
Comfort in the familiar

Lips stretch wide
Show some teeth now
Be happy, happy on cue

Come on, all of us
Let’s raise our hands and pray
The revolution is here
Our neighbors are fighting
We need to give them strength
Good thoughts and wishes all

The lights are dim

Shaking in anticipation
Waiting for the strike

Eyes closed, no one sees
Merry in the moment
Time to stop, stop, stop

Come on, all of us

Let’s raise our hands and pray
The revolution is here
Our neighbors are fighting
We need to give them strength
Good thoughts and wishes all

Please Forgive Me

Dear Father, please forgive me
For daring to be born
I know that’s not what you wanted
Never wanted me to breathe

Dear Father, please forgive me
For daring to have a voice
Speaking my mind constantly
When you’ve never wanted to hear

Dear Father, please forgive me
For wanting so much more
It’s not your fault that I’m alive
That I’m living my life now

Dear Father, please forgive me
You decided long ago to never see
My face, even before I was born
I’m trying to respect that choice

Dear Father, please forgive me
I’ve always resented your absence
No matter how hard I try to forget
I remember I wasn’t wanted by you

You’re the first person to dismiss me
That wound will never heal
I try so hard to fill my heart
But a black hole remains inside

Dear Father, please forgive me
I accept your indifference
I forgive the way you’ve hurt me
But I never want to meet you, either

Dear Father, please forgive me
I never want to become you
I may not know who you are
But I know you’re a coward

Dear Father, please forgive me
I wonder what you look like
What your voice sounds like
And I’ll probably never stop

Dear Father, please forgive me

I’ve kept them inside my whole life
Choking on their bitter taste
All of my feelings and hopes

Dear Father, please forgive me
I don’t know what else to say
I’ve never spoken to you before
This didn’t help me feel any better

Punishment

Have an orgasm
Or two or three
All on me

Why are you crying
Does it hurt
Feeling so good

Cutting into you
Carving out my name
Tastes sublime

Are you so sad
Am I sad, too
Why are we both crying

Thump, thump, thump
Goes the beat of you
And the beat of me echoes

What are we even doing
Together, fucking so hard
We leave bruises

Do we hate each other
Do we want to
Maybe we just want to feel

But does it always
Have to hurt us both
We can’t seem to stop

Biting and bleeding
Marking and claiming
Here’s my body, hurt me

Lose control with me
Let’s go to hell together
Burn the house down

Swallow the ashes
Slick and wet against
Each other, writhing

Is this called sin

Damning us more every time
You call my name in ecstacy

Guess we’ll just have to
Hurt each other
Punish each other

And ourselves