The Blog of Ro Mae Allen: July 2019

Jamie Renton, college sophomore, doesn’t really think much at the time about her roommate, Lexie, not returning her text.

Even though they’re roommates, they’re not really all that close. Jamie doesn’t think that Lexie is the type to get close to anybody, actually. It’s a shame, but Lexie focuses on her classes and stays in their room, and doesn’t really try to connect with anyone at all.

Jamie is surprised that Lexie sends her any texts during spring break in the first place. She’s out with some friends from high school when she receives the short message on her phone.

When are you coming back?

Seeing perfect grammar in a text is so unusual that Jamie stares at the message in confusion for several seconds. Or maybe that’s just from the unexpectedness of Lexie establishing communication with Jamie first, instead of the other way around.

Either way, Jamie sends back that she’ll be gone until the following weekend, and is there something Lexie wants?

No reply. Jamie shrugs off her questions for the remainder of the break, certain that she’ll find out her answers when she gets back to school

The very last thing that Jamie expects when she arrives is to not be allowed back into her room. She tries the key, but the lock is different. Did something happen to their door? Why did Lexie have the locks changed?

Jamie isn’t sure where to go or what to do next, but then something crunches under her shoe. She looks down, and there’s a folded piece of paper on the floor in front of their door. Jamie lets go of her suitcase, picks up the paper, and reads the message.

It’s from the guidance office, asking her to report to them as soon as possible. Now, Jamie’s concerned. What is going on? She looks around, but of course there’s no one else in the hallway, and no clues for her to find except for a door with new locks on it and a key in her hand that no longer works.

Jamie knocks on the door. “Lexie?” she calls out. “You in there?”

There’s no sound. Jamie really doesn’t want to carry her suitcase back to her car, but she can’t leave it in the hallway, so she turns around with a sigh. She puts her suitcase and backpack in her car, and then walks over to the administration offices. That building isn’t so far from her dorm, only half a block, and it’s quicker to walk than to drive the distance.

The whole way there, Jamie wonders what could be wrong. She knows now that there is something wrong, just not what.

When she arrives at the guidance office, Jamie knocks on the door and walks inside awkwardly. She holds out the piece of paper like it’s a test she’s handing back to a professor. “My room’s locked,” she says, which probably isn’t something the guidance office deals with anyway, but it’s Jamie’s biggest problem at the moment.

The guidance counselor looks… sad, and deeply tired, like he didn’t take advantage of the break in order to catch up on sleep at all. “Why don’t you sit down, Ms. Renton?” he says, in that way that isn’t really a question. Jamie frowns and sits, and feels even more anxious than before.

“What’s going on?” she asks, if only to get the conversation moving again. The guidance counselor looks like he could sit there and stare at his hands for hours, and Jamie wants to be allowed back into her room sometime today. Maybe she needs to call campus security about the lock?

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this,” he says, though he doesn’t sound sorry, “but your roommate, Ms. Fletcher, took her own life on Thursday.”

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Jamie comes back from college break, and everything's changed. Her roommate, Lexie, committed suicide while Jamie was away, and now she has so many questions. Why did Lexie kill herself? Why didn't she tell Jamie what was going on? What does Jamie do now?

Jamie doesn't know what to think or how to feel. After all, she and Lexie weren't really all that close. Still, Jamie feels guilty for being gone while this happened.

Unanswerable questions are the hardest part of learning to let someone go.

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