How to say what you mean When everything is buried Inside, deep within, hiding Until the sun comes out again Something to keep on wishing for A night that ends and a day that
Lives forever For you For me For everyone
Maybe we can withstand the night
Just a little bit longer, just enough
To see the light come out once more
Just need a little more time to see
What will happen next and how much
Longer until the next day finally begins
Everybody happy, celebrate again What are we singing for? Everybody wants to shout and leap Don’t forget the rocks below
Got to look down and brace
Yourself for the landing
Hold on tight to the feeling
Reuniting for just one moment
Can’t hide from the truth
This moment scares you
So much bad in the past
Is the darkness leaving yet?
The last little light tonight
Is flickering
Is fleeting
Is ephemeral
Is dying
Wisps of smoke are all that remain.
Find your center Steel yourself for the moment It’s time now to look up At the new horizon And judge whether the effort Is worth it this time
Maybe not, maybe never again
The passing of this time begins
Nothing else to do but wait
See the new dawn rise
Time to decide and realize
The shadows are getting closer
I lay staring at the roof of the cellar. The thought
resonating in my head is simple. How could things possibly get any worse?
Immediately, as though in answer to this half-formed
thought, I hear a vehicle pull up outside. My host has returned. And even
though I know who it is, I can’t help but wish for just one minute that someone
else has arrived at this nondescript house that was nevertheless the scene of
my many childhood adventures. Someone else. Anyone else.
But I hear the familiar click of the heels above me,
and I know that my hope is in vain. Anxiously, I strain my ears to figure out
which direction she’s moving in. The bathroom would be fine, the kitchen even
better, but no. My heart sinks as that repetitive rhythm comes closer to the
door shut tight above the stairs to my left.
There isn’t even a lock on the door. A lock isn’t
necessary. It swings opens with little noise, and I close my eyes against the
sudden light, not wanting a repeat of the pain from last time. I can still hear
her anyways, walking carefully down the cellar stairs. Again, I vow to myself
that if she would just come a little closer this time, I can overpower her,
somehow get free from my bonds. It’s a lie, I know, but right now, it’s all
that I have to cling to.
She is standing on the hard, cement floor that I am
now reacquainted with so thoroughly. When I can finally see her, I am horrified
to discover that there is a child in her arms, awake but silent, tear tracks
still wet on his cheeks and eyes very wide.
“No,” I whisper, or try to, but not even my own ears
can pick up the sound that passes my lips. I repeat myself, this time a mere
breath louder. “No.”
“Isn’t he precious?” she beams at me, a small but
genuine smile forming on her lips. She runs one hand through the silent child’s
hair and then drops a kiss onto his forehead before she sets him down. He stays
where he’s put, curling his arms around his legs and cuddling them close to his
chest. The light hits just right so that I can now see the bruise already darkening
over one of those blue eyes. The sight doesn’t surprise me, but still, a low
coil of dread writhes in my stomach.
Cower down in fear When the yelling starts Don’t know where to run Nowhere to hide, from All the truths and all the lies Deep inside, all of us Are hiding from the light Need to remember the Darkness isn’t safe at night Got to open our eyes And realize The way out is always there Even if it takes a lifetime To find out where
Settle down, they say To the child running wild Settle down, they say To the teenager breaking free Settle down, they say To the young adult facing A lifetime of burdens
Be free, they say
To the middle-aged struggling
To remember happiness
Be free, they say
To the elderly with all
Their life’s regrets
Be yourself, I say
At any time and any age
Truly, be yourself
Silly little traveling child What do you know? Who do you see? What do you find?
Silly little traveling child
The world is before you
Open your eyes
Take a deep breath
Start your journey now
“Patience is not something most of us are born with. We are humans, and selfish, and there is nothing wrong with that. We learn patience, and kindness, and all the things that make us truly great as we grow. Otherwise, if we were already born as the people we could one day become, what would be the point in the journey?”
The last thing Carl wanted to spend his evening doing was waiting around one of the smaller rooms down the hall from the main office until they got confirmation to go load up the merchandise from warehouse eleven into a truck and then haul it back here. The night air was chilly this late at the best of times, and if he bothered to turn his head slightly to his left, Carl would be able to see that frost had already formed in thick layers on the outsides of the windows here, never mind out at the docks.
Still, Carl found himself staring blankly at the
rather large TV screen in front of him, not taking in what was actually playing
but just letting the low sound wash over him as he thought longingly of being
home instead, sound asleep in his bed, his wife’s light snoring in his ear as
her hair got caught in his mouth or up his nose. It’d been over three weeks
since he’d been home early enough to eat dinner with her and their daughters,
to hear how everyone’s day had been, to argue about whose turn it was to wash
the dishes or just to sit in front of his own TV, a beer in hand, and not pay
attention to his own set as he listened to nothing in particular.
“Want something?” one of his coworkers asked, stuck
here late like him, and Carl looked up at Luke to give him a slight, tired
smile.
“Nah,” he answered, waving a hand at the vending
machine in the corner that housed a variety of sports drinks, flavored waters,
and energy shots. “Not in the mood for anything but a bed.”
Luke sighed in agreement and pushed the button for his
own selection. The machine made noises like it was dying and then coughed up an
energy drink. “Know what you mean,” he said. “These late-night shifts when the
shipments come in kill me.” He opened his drink and took a long swallow, then,
unexpectedly, smirked. “And if they don’t, my girlfriend does when I finally walk
in the door.”
“She stays up?” the last member of their moving crew
asked, coming back into the room from making a call to check on his babysitter.
Carl knew that George was raising a small boy all by himself, the mother having
run off with a younger man before the kid was even out of diapers. George hated
these long nights more than Carl and Luke combined, hated having to ask a
babysitter to stay over practically all night and hated not putting his boy to
bed, but the overtime they got paid during these few weeks was worth the
hassle, just barely.
Carl was also surprised at the news that Luke’s
girlfriend stayed up waiting for him. Sure, sometimes when Carl crawled into
the bed, it woke up Patti, but she barely did more than grumble and roll over.
At that time of the night, after a full day at her own job and being the only
parent in the house to sort out whatever their daughters decided to argue about
that day, there was no way that his wife had the time or energy to stay up
waiting for him to come home.
Luke snorted, but was still smiling slightly. “Sets
the alarm for when I’m supposed to get in and then hits the snooze if I’m not
there yet until she hears the car pull up,” he said. “Then she comes out to
berate me, heats up some food, sits there and yells at me some more while I eat
it about how stupid it is to sign up for these graveyard shifts just to earn a
few extra dollars that we really kind of need, and then makes me take a shower
‘cause I ‘smell like a bloated fish’. Then I finally get to go the hell to
sleep.”
Carl laughed lightly. “I think my wife’d smack me
upside the head if I suggested she do the same,” he replied wryly, and George
snickered. Luke saluted them both with the rest of his drink and then chugged
it, tossing the empty can at the trash, where it missed widely enough that Carl
and George laughed louder at the scowl on Luke’s face as he grudgingly stalked
over and picked up the can again in disgust.
The beeping of the intercom caused Carl to motion to
one of the others to turn down the sound on the TV, even though it was already
quiet enough to barely hear. Pressing the button on the side to talk into it,
he cleared his throat slightly. “Yes, sir?” he spoke into the speaker.
As usual, the woman’s voice that came on the other end
was perfectly clear and sounded as crisp as if her day had only started an hour
ago and it was not the middle of the night. “The chairman says that the
merchandise has now been unloaded from the docks,” she announced. “Please
retrieve all the boxes in warehouse eleven and deliver them to storage room
seven.”
Although her last sentence contained the word
‘please’, it was clearly not a request.
The same instructions as every other night, besides
the numbers being different, and Carl was actually kind of impressed that the
woman didn’t sound as bored by saying her instructions as he was of hearing
them. Pressing the button again, he replied, “Will do.” The line went dead and
the intercom silent. He turned around and shared an exasperated look with the
other two, shaking his head. “Come on, then.”
“So eager to freeze,” Luke grumbled, but only
halfheartedly, and then they all left the room, glad that the last week of this
season’s shipments was almost behind them.
-------------------------
Want to find out what happens next? Read the full story here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08MCKHHJ3.
Slow down for a while The grind hurts No time to rest Make yourself take a breath Remember the fall How it hurts to let go
Climb up and get ready
Make time to put on a show
Dazzle them all but ache inside
Hard to resist the applause
Don’t pay attention to the
Hungry lions waiting below
Can’t hear anything else Drums pound in the dark Soft and loud, hear the echo Follow it down, feel around Nowhere is safe anymore Got to run and hide and live The drums carry on, never stop Hard to keep up, with the sound All around, echo, echo, everywhere No one there, live in despair And wait for the sound to die down
Look away It’s too horrible to stay The skeletons rattle Secrets hidden away Look away Nowhere left is safe How the wind howls Desperate to say Look away
Before it’s too late
Look away
Have a little party Feel a little fun Dance through the night No reason to stop
Got to keep it up
Because it’s all alright
Because it’s like being
Alive one more time
Feel the blood
Drink the wine
Time to dine on the feast
Enjoy the night
Never want to stop
Can’t keep going
Make something new
Got to make it through
Dig in and eat the flesh Feast on your fresh snack Got to take what you can Never give it back
Something’s howling
Inside of me
Can’t keep quiet
Have to let it out
Tired but still standing
Don’t know how else to be
Need to kill to eat
Time to get ready for the feast
What am I doing here What am I living for I think I used to know But I can’t tell anymore
There’s something missing
Inside of me, some need
I can’t remember what it
Used to be to believe
I know I wanted all these things
I wanted so much more
Now I can’t even remember
Their names or anything
I used to be waiting for something
To happen to me, just once
I don’t know why, because
Nothing good ever came
When did it get so hard to see
The way forward once more
There’s no open door in front of me
Can’t find the strength inside me
It’s a challenge, I see Facing me Figuring out What I mean
It’s a challenge, I see
My hopes and dreams
The things I love
Are a mystery
It’s a challenge, I see
To catch me lying
You have to be
So sly around me
It’s a challenge, I see
To never trust my word
To always assume
My motives aren’t pure
It’s a challenge, I see
Never thought I’d see the day When you’d look at me and say How sorry you are for all the things You said to me over the years
For all the hurt and tears
Little and small and tall
Never thought you’d look me in the eye
And admit that you were wrong
How to go on from this now
What do I say to these words that come out?
Why are you apologizing to me today?
Are you saying these words just to feel better?
It’s been years, I hardly recognize you
I’ve been living my life, and so have you
To see me now and bring it all up again
I think you just want me to say you’re forgiven
If that’s what you need, then fine with me
I’ve already grown past all the ways you hurt me
You’re a part of my life I’ll never forget
But you’re not my future anymore, and I can’t
Let you drag me down any further
I need to live for tomorrow and wait for the sun
Can’t tell how happy I’ve been without you
I moved on so long ago, and it’s time you did, too
I try not to offer you an inch Because you’ll take everything Never know how to say I care Without you running me over Hold out my hand You grab my heart Can never feel safe around you Maybe it’s time to realize I need to take a step back Instead of reaching out towards you again
Chill in the air Under my skin Say when it’s too much All the screams and crying We’re all just dying, anyway Day by day Have to keep on scratching At the door to be let back in Nothing to do but live in sin Desperate for the next high Nowhere to flee this night
Am I safe? I don’t feel it I have a job Roof over my head Food in my fridge
Am I safe? Who knows
There’s still this
Feeling under my skin
Like everything will go wrong
Hard to let go and
Settle down when it
Could all vanish
Hard to let myself care
Life will never stop hurting
Life will always be kind
Just around the corner
Is one or the other
And we never know
Which one we’ll find
Got to roll the dice anyway
Got to take that chance
That the next turn will be kind
Have to believe it can happen
If you just roll the dice enough times
Quit being so stubborn
So you can’t do it
Exactly like you want to
So what?
Do it some other way
It will be even better
Because it’s something
You put time and effort into
That’s what really matters
Lift up
Reach out
Everybody, bow down
Play nice, be quiet
Fear the rage
End the screams
Everybody, stand up
Make yourself heard
No more time for hesitation
This is happening now
Got to keep it moving
So I don’t think, I don’t feel
Got to take the long way ‘round
Keep myself from falling down
Get hit and feel myself break
Pieces shatter inside of me
Got to put myself back together
Hold on for something new now
Can’t take this lying down anymore
Searching for more, can’t handle the cold
Need something warm and safe for me
Something worth seeing every day
I feel as though
The seasons change
Much more easily
Than you or me
Life is born, grows,
Changes, withers,
And eventually dies
Only to grow again
