Scatter

Addicted to my suffering
Need to feel this pain
All these little harmful
Thoughts build up and up
Until they burst, like a balloon
Confetti raining down
Scattering everywhere

Can’t sweep them under the rug
Never get rid of them all
All these little harmful
Thoughts build up and up
Until they burst, like a balloon
Confetti raining down
Scattering everywhere

Have to handle them one by one
Stick to my fingers, can’t get them off
All these little harmful
Thoughts build up and up
Until they burst, like a balloon
Confetti raining down
Scattering everywhere
Blow for a wish but nothing happens
Fall into the storm of my misery
All these little harmful
Thoughts build up and up
Until they burst, like a balloon
Confetti raining down
Scattering everywhere

Once Again

I refuse to apologize once again
I refuse to feel shame once again
I refuse to cry when you put me down
I refuse to turn my head to the ground

There’s so much you taught me
About hating myself and everyone else
How to swallow all my fears
How to ignore all my tears

These lessons will never leave
No matter how much time has passed
I will always feel the echo of this time
No escaping the sharp pain I feel here

I refuse to apologize once again
I refuse to feel shame once again
I refuse to cry when you put me down
I refuse to turn my head to the ground

I can’t even escape in my dreams
Curl up tight and wish you away
Doesn’t ever happen, though
Hear your voice call out to me

Hard to see anything else when
I’m drowning in this nightmare
You sink your claws in even tighter
Drawing blood and creating scars

I refuse to apologize once again
I refuse to feel shame once again
I refuse to cry when you put me down
I refuse to turn my head to the ground

I refuse to apologize once again
I refuse to feel shame once again
I refuse to cry when you put me down
I refuse to turn my head to the ground

Deep Weight

I’m tired of feeling so tired
I’m tired of apologizing
I’m tired of being so scared
About what could be wrong with me

Only knowing that many things are
I’m tired of knowing that
I’m not invincible
That there’s no such thing

As immortality
I’m tired of knowing
That I know nothing
I’m tired of knowing

That nothing is really free
I’m tired of reality
I’m tired of being here
I’m tired of being me

Of Mine

Bury the pain, bury the fear
Ignore that there’s nothing left here
Have to make it to the next stop
Can’t afford to rest, can’t afford to drop

I’ve got no time, no money, no friends
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine
I’ve got no patience, no strength, no chance
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine

Is there a sickness here, who knows
Nothing to say, no more room to grow
Can’t catch my breath, can’t feel anything
Nothing more to take, nothing more to bring

I’ve got no time, no money, no friends
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine
I’ve got no patience, no strength, no chance
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine

Not even really trying to make this work
I haven’t got time to read this book
All I know is there’s something wrong in me
I can’t fix it, but I can hide the damage in me

I’ve got no time, no money, no friends
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine
I’ve got no patience, no strength, no chance
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine

I’ve got no time, no money, no friends
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine
I’ve got no patience, no strength, no chance
No way to move forward on this path
Of mine