12.12.2015

Give Me Wings

I feel locked inside my soul
Sealed for all eternity
No spell or incantation
Will ever release me

I yearn for the stars
To discover everything
Both known and not
And never return

I want to slip beyond
The fabric of this existence
Become dust and ether
Time ceasing to exist

I ache to be part of every story
To learn magic and transform
Journey on an adventure
See where it leads me

I wish to be important
For destiny to unfold around me
Ancient prophecies foretelling my coming
Some purpose that awaits me

Treatment

Yesterday, I said good-bye for the very last time
And now today, I’m looking at the scattered pieces of my life
Picking up the shards to start putting them back together

Because I meant the words I said
And I meant those tears I cried
The plans that I smashed against a wall
This life of ours I turned my back on

Yesterday, I took my key back and locked the door
And now today, I open the windows to let in the sunshine
Breathing in the fresh air that enters with you now gone

Because I meant the words I said
And I meant those tears I cried
The plans that I smashed against a wall
This life of ours I turned my back on

Yesterday, I erased your messages and blocked your number
And now today, I pack up the last of your boxes to send over
Cleaning up every last part of you that remains here

Because I meant the words I said
And I meant those tears I cried
The plans that I smashed against a wall
This life of ours I turned my back on

Yesterday, I lit the incense to burn your scent away
And now today, I light some candles to enjoy their warm glow
Watching the flames as they dance across my memories

Because I meant the words I said
And I meant those tears I cried
The plans that I smashed against a wall
This life of ours I turned my back on

Yesterday, I cut your cancer right out of me
Now today, I’ve finally stitched myself back together
Creating something new and stronger and wiser

Because I meant the words I said
And I meant those tears I cried
The plans that I smashed against a wall
This life of ours I turned my back on

Wonderland

One thousand and one
Still many more times to count
The snowflake’s beauty

Formula

We are stardust and sublime
Priceless and fragile, our cores of iron
To be heated and tempered and chilled

We are plague and pestilence
Death and triumph, our souls of war
To be fought and defied and gloried

We are eternity and ancient
Protected and sheltered, our hearts of history
To be preserved and taught and learned

We are fate and future
Reckless and stunning, our feats of magic
To be dreamed of and encouraged and admired

12.12.2015

“The moment we stop believing we’re immortal is the moment of our deaths.”

11.22.2015

Return to Sender - Prologue

Return to Sender


Prologue:

Everything all started when a small, unmarked package arrived mysteriously during the night.

In the morning, I found it sitting on my kitchen table when I went to make coffee. The wrapping paper was brown and plain, unadorned with any address or postage. The only writing on it was a short missive: ‘Return to Sender’. The message was written out in a pretty cursive across the top in red ink.

Needless to say, I was surprised and confused by this strange package’s sudden appearance. What was I supposed to do with this? Even more importantly, how had it appeared inside my apartment without me knowing? A quick internet search while the coffee was brewing didn’t yield me any answers. The post office didn’t sound like they’d touch it without some sort of proof of postage.

It seemed so personal, too. Not necessarily in a good way, either. My eyes couldn’t help darting to the front door, and I resigned myself to a thorough check around my home to make sure no windows were broken anywhere. There was nothing out of place, though. Nothing but that package.

Eventually, I decided to pour myself a drink and then sit down at my table and just open it, get rid of the suspense. I grabbed a knife, but it almost wasn’t necessary. The paper parted easily, and within was a small and light box barely longer than the width of my hand. It was a pretty red-brown that I assumed meant it was made from some kind of cherry wood. On the top was carved some designs that looked almost like an intricate Celtic knot, and when I lifted the box up to peer closer, I saw a tiny keyhole on one side.

An investigation of the discarded wrapping yielded nothing else, though. No key, and no note. Disappointed, I gingerly shook the box, turning it over to see if there was anything taped on the bottom. While I definitely heard something moving around inside, I still couldn’t see any way to easily open it. I pressed my fingers against the sides, wondering if it was one of those puzzle boxes, but no clever latches formed along the edges. The design on the top remained the same. After a few minutes, I carefully set it back down, feeling let down that I couldn’t seem to open it, and a hundred times more curious than before. On my way to get a second cup of coffee, I resolved to somehow solve the little box’s mysteries.

Though I couldn’t have known it at the time, the box would reveal its secrets to me all on its own, and I would regret learning them forever. The arrival of that box was the beginning of everything, the start of a war that would tear apart a world I didn’t even know existed back then, a war that would later become known as ‘The Seven Years of Blood’.

Take Care

Relax and eat your favorite foods
Enjoy that movie you wanted to see
Wear those ugly old socks proudly
Raise that warm cup to your lips

Let those memories all die
Like waves breaking upon the shore
Let those hopes and dreams fade away
To be reborn new on the morrow

Turn those wistful sighs into laughter
Lie down in the sunshine and flowers
Hum softly in the shower
Dance silly around every corner

Let those memories all die
Like waves breaking upon the shore
Let those hopes and dreams fade away
To be reborn new on the morrow

Breathe in the smell of home
Lay down your head and rest your eyes
Wrap yourself gently in large blankets
Push all your problems away

Let those memories all die
Like waves breaking upon the shore
Let those hopes and dreams fade away
To be reborn new on the morrow

Shove those dark fears aside
Throw away all those old pains
Quit dragging that heavy anchor
Float without worry pulling you under

Let those memories all die
Like waves breaking upon the shore
Let those hopes and dreams fade away
To be reborn new on the morrow

Join Us

Okay, here’s the deal. You don’t need to have all of your shit together in order to count. No, really. The truth is that even the people around you who seem to know what they’re doing, and act like they’re in control of their lives, are mostly faking it. Yes, even that person. Even the most together and on-the-ball person you know, who always pays their bills on time and never has a hair out of place. None of us knows what we’re doing most of the time. No matter how high or how hard you climb, there will never be a plateau you can reach where suddenly everything in your life magically sorts itself out and makes complete sense.

There is always one more hill to climb. We don’t all reach a certain age and then feel like we fit in or belong. In one way or another, every one of use feels like an outcast, a fake, and we’re all desperately hoping that the person sitting next to us doesn’t notice that we don’t belong. There is never an age when you’re too old to feel vulnerable, or like the world’s biggest fool.

Just remember that you’re not alone. Some people may hide it very well, but the reality is that we’re all fumbling around in the dark trying to find the damn light switch, bumping into furniture along the way. Sometimes, it’s even fun. More often, it’s terrifying. The best times are a little bit of both.

You can get hurt. You will get hurt, eventually. That’s all right, too. It happens to everyone. We all bleed and bruise.

It’s perfectly okay to be afraid, to be unsure and wary, to hesitate and regret. There is no vaccine against this struggle, not even wisdom. And because of this, because it happens to all of us, understand that you will never truly be alone. So join us as we all stumble around trying to get our shit together. We’ll show you how it’s done.

Sweet Dreams

Let me sleep

I’m so tired lying here right now
Beyond my closed and shuttered eyelids
A curtain of darkness fills my vision

I want to sleep

All my dreams have been so wonderful lately
Daring adventures on far-off worlds
All await me when I fall into bed

I cannot sleep

No rest for weary, wandering souls
My limbs weigh me down but want to move
My mind alert from the restless energy

Should I sleep?

What waits for me when slumber takes hold?
How easy is it for dreams to turn harsh and cold?
No solace to be found in nightmares?

Now I sleep

Such a long rest to shelter and comfort me
My body’s long fight seems to leave me at last
Leaving nothing behind while I slumber in peace

10.26.2015

When the portal opens

The doors creak, open wide
It’s already too late
No one can ever escape

The candles are lit on the altar
Black shadows dance
Fresh sacrifices laid out in offer

The demons call from inside
Hungry for a taste
Now the Feast of Flesh begins

Chant With Me

Acid slides down my throat
Burns on the way down
This bitter truth I bear

Toast the devil tonight
Lift the chalice up high
Drink deep of that brew

Consume the rat tails
Suck them down dry
Chew on the tough ends

Crunch down on the bones
Ignore the snapping below
The jagged ends broken sharp

Smell the sulfur in the air
Breathe in a deep lungful
Savor the smoky aftertaste

Light a fire in my soul
Speak the black words
I’ll summon a demon for you

My Fairytale

An apple so ripe, cranberry-red
Sweet poison

The taste cloying on my tongue
Bitter skin

I try to cough the piece back up
Blood frozen

There’s no more beating of my heart
Breath gone

I have lost

My eyes are wide open, but blind
I trusted

The wise old crone becomes a witch
She laughs

They come to bury me in my casket
No air

I want to scream, but my lips are shut
Fade away

Once upon a time

Gamble

Take a deep breath and count to ten
Let this feeling fill you up inside

Close your eyes and make a wish
Take a chance and roll the dice

Get on that rollercoaster
See how high you fly
Don’t think about the ending
Just enjoy the ride

Take a deep breath and count to ten
Let this feeling fill you up inside

Close your eyes and make a wish
Take a chance and roll the dice

Forget that failure’s an option
Run forward without looking back
Let the wind tug at your hair
The ground blur beneath your feet

Take a deep breath and count to ten
Let this feeling fill you up inside

Close your eyes and make a wish
Take a chance and roll the dice

Smile carefree and unrestrained
Be gentle just because you can
Start a new friendship every day
Let the sunshine warm your skin

Take a deep breath and count to ten
Let this feeling fill you up inside

Close your eyes and make a wish
Take a chance and roll the dice

Take a chance and roll the dice

9.20.2015

Unseen

Sometimes, a growl will crawl up my throat
My eyes will narrow, my fingers will transform
Into claws as I hiss and scratch and bite
My nostrils flaring and my balance on my toes
Teeth bared and breath leaving me in heaving pants
I will curse, I will spit, I will shriek in fury

Inside, I am curled up in the darkest corner
Deep in the shadows where I will be safe
From the monster prowling, while my hands
Cover my ears, my eyes squeezed tightly closed
Humming under my breath until the madness
Passes and the outside world belongs to me again

Strength

I’m trying so hard not to explode
(Swallow it down, count to ten, close my eyes)

My fingers curl into shaking fists
(Don’t cry, don’t scream, keep my mouth shut)

Make myself take a deep breath
(Inhale, exhale, no chattering teeth or trembling lips)

Force my eyes level with yours
(Keep my chin up, my gaze steadily fixed on you)

Refuse to let you see I am terrified
(Shoulders down, don’t hug myself, my knees firm)

Calmly soothe your hurt feelings
(Sweat down my back, shaking, ignore the nausea)

Pretend I’m fine to confuse you
(Go away, go away, go away, go away, go away)

Collapse when you finally leave
(Hug myself, start to cry, so much weight is gone)



Listen

Take a deep breath
Just let it go
This separation will hurt
It will tear you apart
But that is so much better
Than dying slowly from the inside out
This pain will be worth it
In the end
It’s better than being numb
So pull away now
Us all of your strength
Make it hurt so deeply
That you’re wounded and bleeding
It will scar
One day you will be strong enough
To be proud of that imperfection
It shows that you survived
You are strong
So let go
You can handle this
You can go on

VR

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Should have known the day I met you
The only life you live is the one you sleep through
I guess you can’t decide which quest to do
You load up on experience and forget that I’m here too

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Waiting for you when you’re never gonna appear
Having to make excuses when you disappear
Looking for your face in a crowd when I know you’re not here
Wondering how many days will pass before you reappear

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Every secret is unknowable
I ask but you don’t hear
And I’d like to be there for you
But you’re gone when I turn around
Every day is a fight
Just to know if I exist
In whatever world you’re building

You claim to want me
But one minute is all it takes
For me to be alone again
I have to confess the truth
That I would like to count
On you sometimes, to call out
Your name knowing you’ll respond

‘Cause you’re not the only one
Who needs someone to depend on

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Hook me up and plug me in
Your fake reality flashing across my vision
Am I the hero or the villain?
Press start to let this adventure begin

Whenever I think we should move forward, you’re stuck
Always in a frenzy to make a few more bucks
The lights are dim and you don’t give a fuck
If you want make-believe then I guess you’re out of luck

8.26.2015

Black as Virtue

Bite down hard, lips bruised
Shadows inked on my skin
The barbs pierce through
Black trickles from the wounds
This blade is sharp and thin

Cut me kill me kiss me fuck me
Hold me close and whisper poison in my ear

Sharpen the knife, cut slowly
Cries of pain and pleasure echo
Black doom is near and I surrender
Shudder and twist in the moment
Away and closer, caught up in my torment

Cut me kill me kiss me fuck me
Hold me close and whisper poison in my ear

Beat me blue and purple, with fists
I’ll crawl over smoldering coals for more
My belly singed black, shards of skin peeling
Make me eat them off your fingers, suck them clean
Pant and moan like a fucking bitch in heat

It’s power at its most potent, my obedience
It makes you squirm, makes me bleed, bleed, bleed
Until I claw free, my wings bent and torn and black
Only to tear them away completely and hand the pieces to you
My only gift, my dead soul, you take from me and shatter

Cut me kill me kiss me fuck me
Hold me close and whisper poison in my ear

Are you laughing now that I am nothing?
Sprawled defeated at your feet and still kissing them
Worshipping at my altar, broken and burning and in ecstasy
Scratching your name into my skin to make it pretty
Until the black comes over me and I die for you

Cut me kill me kiss me fuck me
Hold me close and whisper poison in my ear

Can You?

Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear my voice
Calling out to you?

Let out this hurt
Let out this hurt
Can you let out all this hurt
Crying in my arms?

(Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear my voice
Calling out to you?)

Can you still feel?
Can you still feel?
Can you still feel the love we shared
Holding you close?

(Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear my voice
Calling out to you?)

Why are you gone?
Why are you gone?
Why are you no longer here beside me
Sharing my tears?

(Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear my voice
Calling out to you?)

How are you now?
How are you now?
How are you coping with everything of ours
Falling apart?

Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Can you hear my voice
Calling out to you?

The Phoenix Rising

This dream is mine and I’m never gonna let go
Pass over the torch and let me light the pyre
Take a deep breath, the smoke filling up my lungs
Ashes coat my throat as heat scorches along my skin

I want to drown this misery
I want to run away from here
I want to climb until my legs can no longer support me

This dream is mine and I’m never gonna let go
Pass over the torch and let me light the pyre
Take a deep breath, the smoke filling up my lungs
Ashes coat my throat as heat scorches along my skin

This present needs to disappear
This past to fade from memory
This future in my head come into being before my eyes

This dream is mine and I’m never gonna let go
Pass over the torch and let me light the pyre
Take a deep breath, the smoke filling up my lungs
Ashes coat my throat as heat scorches along my skin

Fight for the only chance left
Scream at the burn of defeat
Stand up, shake off my skin, and start it all over again

This dream is mine and I’m never gonna let go
Pass over the torch and let me light the pyre
Take a deep breath, the smoke filling up my lungs
Ashes coat my throat as heat scorches along my skin

7.30.2015

7.30.2015

"Love yourself as you would want someone else to: unconditionally, and without reservation."

7.29.2015

The Call

The moon is full, the mountains tall
And through the haze of heat
I can hear the night call out its song:

Come, join, belong to me.

There is nothing in the world so enticing 
As the smell of freedom when
I am caged, struggling to take a breath.

7.15.2015

The Same Dream Twice


“Are you not scared to die like them?” the stranger asked her.

She smiled, soft and sad. “This is not when I die,” she replied.

“It is if I say so,” the stranger said, his dagger at her throat.

She did not move. “Even you cannot ignore someone’s destiny. This is not when I will die.”

Curious now, the stranger lowered his blade. Around them were her traveling companions, slain and dead for their food and supplies. The stranger had crept among the four of them during the night, killed her brother who was on watch, and then the elderly couple they had been traveling with. She had awoken to the elderly woman dying, and stood up to face the stranger, fearless. “How do you know such a thing?” he asked of her now.

“I dreamed as a girl that I would not die until I was old and in love, with children grown and left,” she answered him.

“And how do you know that this dream was true?” he demanded, scornful. “It was just some little girl’s fancy.”

“No,” she replied. “I have dreamed when all those in my family would die.” She pointed to her brother, slumped over near the still-crackling fire. “I dreamed long ago that he would die tonight, and said good-bye to him before I lay down to sleep. I knew that my mother would die of sickness, and my father of bandits years before her.”

“Truly?” the stranger asked, intrigued now. She saw a flash of greed in his eyes then, and knew what he would ask. After all, the man who knew how he would die was forewarned, and mayhap could cheat his death when the time came. He raised his dagger once more. “Tell me, witch, how will I die?”

“I am no witch,” she replied, “only a simple maid, now traveling alone.”

“Tell me,” he said, ignoring the rest.

She shook her head. “I cannot. I can only dream the deaths of those who have a place in my heart. Why should I care when you, a stranger to me, will die?”

He considered this for a moment, and then sheathed his dagger. “Then, you shall come back home with me, and be my wife, and when you come to love me you will dream of my death.”

“Yes, I will,” she agreed.

And so the stranger took her home, and made her his wife. He gave up thievery to farm some small land now that he had a wife to care for. The two of them lived many years together, and she gave him two sons and two daughters, and they were very happy.

Still, once a year, on the anniversary of the day that they’d met, the stranger would ask her, “Have you dreamed of my death yet?”

“No,” she would reply. “I have dreamed the deaths of our children, but of yours I have seen nothing.”

And so the years passed, and eventually even their children grew up and moved out, to pursue their own lives and loves. She grew old, and the stranger older, and yet her answer never changed.

The stranger grew sad, for he had come to love his wife for bearing his children and filling his life with laughter and joy. After a few more years, though, the stranger’s sadness grew to anger. Another year passed, and still her answer was the same.

“Why will you not dream of my death?” he asked her, and in his fury that she would not love him back, the stranger grabbed his dagger and stabbed her through the heart.

She smiled at him, soft and sad. “I dreamed of your death years before we ever met, the same night that I dreamed of mine, old and in love and with children grown. This is when we both die.” And closing her eyes, she fell to the floor and died.

The stranger realized what he had done, that she had loved him always, and in his grief and sorrow he removed the blade from her breast, the same dagger that he had kept all these years, and stabbed himself through the heart. Closing his eyes, he fell to the floor and died.

The Room I Dwell In

Depression isn’t a mood; it’s a state of being. Someone can be happy and in love, or sad and heartbroken, and still have depression.

Depression is a room.

My room is small, and I have always been here. It has bare walls and bare floor and a bare ceiling.

There’s a window in my room that I can open if I want. With the window open, I can sometimes feel the sun on my skin, warming me, or cool rain wetting my face, or wind blowing through my hair. All of that comes from outside, though, so it does not interest me, because it is not a part of my room.

My room is all that there is, the only existence that I have ever known. I know that this room is only one of many. All around me are other rooms, with other people in them. Some rooms stand vacant for a time, waiting for their occupants to return. Some are like mine, always filled. They are all bare rooms, some with windows and some without, some small and some large, but empty rooms all the same.

The door to my room is open. All of the doors are open. I can leave my room at any time, except I don’t know how. I never learned how to walk. My arms are too weak for me to crawl. This room is my entire world, and I know nothing else. I will never leave my room. It is not that I lack the will to fight, only that I do not know how.

And why should I fight, even if I did? Why should I leave even if I could walk? Curiosity? Envy? I do not understand why any place outside of my room should interest or concern me. I do not understand why I should covet anything else. That outside world doesn’t matter to me. Only my room matters, because it is all that I have, all that I have ever known. My room is my world. I will live here until I die, in my room.

6.20.2015

Hunger

The force that lives eternal and patient
Always waiting for the moment to strike
Sometimes so quiet you forget it exists
Or loud enough that it blocks out all else


A reminder of our mortality, insatiable
The voice that echoes our inner desires
We fear this beast and we depend on it
All the while we understand that one day
We will be its prey, and it will gleefully gorge
Itself upon our wasted flesh and gnaw apart
Our very bones, cracking them to reveal the
Meat, satisfying its terrible hunger at long last.

Indulgence

A little longer
is all that I need.


A couple more hours,
days, months, or years,
and I will be over this pain.
I will awaken in the morning
with a smile already on my lips,
and I will look forward to the day,
to the wonders that I know await me.


Not quite yet,
but soon.

Far and Wide

In these weathered hands and cracked feet
I see the years of my youth


In these aching bones and shaking limbs
I feel the follies of my past
In all of my joyful laughter and bitter tears
I hear my family and friends


In this maybe-wise heart and ageless soul
I know the life I have found

5.23.2015

Reading the Signs

My body is a map
That shows every moment of
My past, my present, my future


I close my eyes
As I run my fingers over every inch
Of you, determined to read your destiny


To know you
And to have you know every bit of me,
Our past, our present, our future

With Me

Thrilling

That rush when you first
Understand the world is not
Only cruel


Some secrets

Are easy to comprehend
Others take a whole lifetime
To unravel

Some are never meant
To be known

There is so much beauty
To be experienced

Share

The wonders of exploring 
Them with me. Let us stand
Shoulder to shoulder

Our breaths

Catching in joy at every moment
Together as we discover this 
Brilliant world

My Ten Commandments

Challenge me
Push me when I seem afraid of failure


Encourage me
Extend your hand to help me up when I fall

Praise me
When I achieve my smaller goals one by one

Admire me
After I stumble but manage to catch myself

Reprimand me
If I become too proud and forget I had help

Teach me
I want to learn what wisdom you know

Inspire me
Always get back up and try one more time

Betray me
Call me out if I’m not being true to myself

Envy me
The times when I learn a talent faster than you

Love me
Even when I fail at all I ever try in my whole life

From You

Paint some wings on my back
And I’ll fly away
I’ll never touch the ground again


What does it mean to be happy?
What does it mean to be free?

There are so many places I want to see
To travel everywhere
Until I run out of earth to walk on

What does it mean to be happy?
What does it mean to be free?

I want to explore every star in the endless sky
Touch every unknown space
Discover new ones and make up their names

What does it mean to be happy?
What does it mean to be free?

There are so many colors to every ocean
I want to taste each one
Let the salt burn my eyes and dry out my tongue

What does it mean to be happy?
What does it mean to be free?

I want to search all the layers of my own soul
Peer into my deepest self
Be awed at the inner core of strength I see there

What does it mean to be happy?
What does it mean to be free?

(From you)

All That Remains

Some days my hands still shake
I look around every corner
Expect to see your face
I feel like I can’t take
A single breath


I’ll be damned if I cower the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m poor the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m lost the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m broken the rest of my life


All of our screams echo in my dreams
I wake up crying so many tears
Cover my head
Shiver until the morning
Comes once again

I’ll be damned if I cower the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m poor the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m lost the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m broken the rest of my life

Now whenever I meet someone new
I wonder if they’re another you
Just waiting to destroy me
Your memory turns me away
From so many chances

I’ll be damned if I cower the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m poor the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m lost the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m broken the rest of my life

And still I can’t forget your touch
Fingers hurting on my skin
I close my eyes to feel the phantom pain
But you’re not really here anymore

I’ll be damned if I cower the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m poor the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m lost the rest of my life
I’ll be damned if I’m broken the rest of my life

Not by you

4.15.2015

Volcano

Try to own me and I’ll burn you
Spill the gasoline and light the torch
Try to keep me close and I’ll leave for good
Pack my suitcase and walk out the door


I’m a volcano, baby
I like to simmer real slow
I’m a volcano, baby
Just keep it cool for now


Introduce me as yours and I’ll turn my back
Leave you standing silent in front of them
Tell me to change my habits and I’ll laugh
Take up five new ones and watch you get so mad

I’m a volcano, baby
I like to simmer real slow
Yeah, I’m a volcano, baby
Just keep it cool for now

Want me to take a trip with you and I’ll be gone
Lounging on the deck of my solitary cruise
Give me a key to your place and I’ll lose it
Toss it down a drain and drown it in your tears

I’m a volcano, baby
I like to simmer real slow
I’m a volcano, baby
Just keep it cool for now

I’m a volcano, baby
I like to simmer real slow
I’m a volcano, baby
Just keep it cool for now

Bring me a pet and I’ll start calling around
Dust my hands off when it’s gone and wave goodbye
Hand me a diamond ring and I’ll look you in the eyes
Shake my head as I return it and order some champagne

I’m a volcano, baby
I like to simmer real slow
Oh, I’m a volcano, baby
So let’s just keep it cool for now

4.08.2015

Confession

The truth is that I was a coward.

I pretended that I didn’t hear the fights, 
didn’t see the bruises in the morning.
I was too afraid of being hurt myself,
and so when the screaming started I
threw the covers up over my head and
lay there shaking until all was quiet again.


I never spoke up. 
I didn’t try to help you. 
I was selfish, and much 
too worried about my own safety.

I’m sorry for that, and even sorrier 
that, if I could go back, I’d make 
those same decisions all over again.

But if this repeats in the future, 
I swear to you that I will not run. 
I will not hide. I will not close 
my eyes and hold my breath 
and wish and wish for it all to end.

I will open my mouth and say, “Stop. 
Don’t do this. Quit hurting this incredible 
person who I love so very much.”

I know this won’t make up for my past 
cowardice, that nothing ever really can 
or will. Still, I promise that if you need 
me from now on, I will be there for you.

4.04.2015

4.4.2015

“The memory of something that can still break your heart long after it’s gone is priceless. Don’t ever lose it or push it away. This loss will tear you apart, but it will also teach you that love is eternal, and that you are capable of a love this deep, this special, and this true.” 

3.12.2015

3.12.2015

“Time is fleeting because it constantly resets.”

Do You?

I’ll just stay here
for awhile, nestled deep within your arms.


You don’t mind, do you?
I hide my face
from the shadows that constantly surround me.


You don’t mind, do you?
When my smile is fake,
and I can’t bring myself to laugh at your jokes.


You don’t mind, do you?
The world seems grey,
and I call to cancel on you at the last minute.


You don’t mind, do you?
That I push you away,
only to cling close to you the next time we meet.


You don’t mind, do you?
You’ll never know
for sure, if my laughter is true or another façade.


You don’t mind, do you?
The times when you
comfort me, and I say it helps but I’m really lying.


You don’t mind, do you?
If you’re never enough
to save me from myself, and I stay broken forever.


You don’t mind, do you?
Do you?

Precious

To me, there are no gods. This is precious information. Humans should not have to compose stories of being created in order to feel special. We should instead exalt in our species, because we exist. We should be proud, for all of the bad, for all of the good, for our past defeats and our future accomplishments. Why do we need to invent deities both terrible and omnipotent? Are we that desperate for the answers to our existence? That answer is within every one of us, in what we each discover in our lives that makes them worth living. Where humanity comes from, and why we exist, is not a mystery to be solved. We should revel in the joys that we obtain throughout life, instead of feeling inadequate because they are not ideal. Nothing is wrong with imperfection. It’s the only way that we, as individuals, can really shine.