In This Place - Volume 4

What is the price of knowledge? What do we pay for a glimpse into someone's heart?

Laugh with me, cry with me, and know me, for better and worse.

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The fourth volume of my poetry is edited and collected together here: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WP8D453.

Up Again

Up, up, up, up
Once again, once again
Around, around, around, around
Merry-go-round, once again

Yesterday, you slammed out of my life
Just left me there, staring at the ground
Wondering how long you’ve been thinking
About leaving me and everything behind

Up, up, up, up
Once again, once again
Around, around, around, around
Merry-go-round, once again

We used to laugh and play, love and say
This is the best time of our lives, right now
When did that change for you, the feeling of us
Becoming something you don’t want anymore

Up, up, up, up
Once again, once again
Around, around, around, around
Merry-go-round, once again

There’s a balloon in the corner that says we’re
blessed, slowly, slowly sinking to the ground now
All I can see is the life we’ve been living falling
Into nothing so easily now, so damn easily now

Up, up, up, up
Once again, once again
Around, around, around, around
Merry-go-round, once again

Did we ever have anything real at all, tell me
How did this all come to be, when we were so happy
Just yesterday, it seems, wrapped up in each other
Planning a life together, what happened to all of this

Up, up, up, up
Once again, once again
Around, around, around, around
Merry-go-round, once again

Up, up, up, up
Once again, once again
Around, around, around, around
Merry-go-round, once again

Killing Hope

A life of contentment
Would be so easy to achieve

Why do I struggle and make
Myself so miserable while
Searching for happiness
When I could be content instead?

Is happiness so important that I must
Risk myself so often for the chance to
Love what I do for a living?

Wouldn’t it be better to just give
Up? Do something I hate for the security
Of stability? Why do I have to keep
Holding out hope for something more?

This feeling is killing me slowly

shift

When I think I’ve done it right
Finally, finally done something right
Everything blows up in my face
And I realize
I realize
I’ve never had anything in my life

I sit and stare at the ashes in my hands
What could I have done different;y?
How could I have held on tighter to this
Dream that I thought was working out?

When I think I’ve done it right
Finally, finally done something right
Everything blows up in my face
And I realize
I realize
I’ve never had anything in my life

Tired of getting back up again, who isn’t?
Want something more secure, but don’t
Know how to pull myself up onto a platform
That leads anywhere but down, down, down

When I think I’ve done it right
Finally, finally done something right
Everything blows up in my face
And I realize
I realize
I’ve never had anything in my life

Why does nothing turn out right anymore?
Ha, as if anything has ever been good
I’ve forgotten what it feels like when
Something’s going well in my mess of a life

When I think I’ve done it right
Finally, finally done something right
Everything blows up in my face
And I realize
I realize
I’ve never had anything in my life

I know I can’t quit, but I don’t know how to move
Nothing ever works, so I have to change somehow
Have to hold my life in a kaleidoscope and twist
Around and around, until the picture shifts once again

When I think I’ve done it right
Finally, finally done something right
Everything blows up in my face
And I realize
I realize
I’ve never had anything in my life

Misery

Is misery shared truly misery halved?

All I feel when someone I care about seems unhappy
Is unhappiness myself, a sense of hurt even deeper than my own
And yet, I also feel myself lifting up, pulling out
Of the sadness of my own life
And focusing on someone else’s
To help them as much as I can

Is that helpful for me? For them?
Both of us? Neither?
I don’t know, but I what I do know is that
My own misery is still there inside of me
Waiting to overwhelm me once again

As much of a distraction as someone else’s
Misery can be, my own is always still there 

Inside of me