3.8.2019

“It is not adversity unless you are struggling to transform. To move beyond your current limits, even though you are being told to stop. You will never know how far you can go unless you have someone to prove wrong.”

Raise Your Arms

Raise your arms
Can you feel your fingers
Go slow if you must
Just don’t let yourself stop

Push, push, push, push
Even when it hurts so bad
You want to lie down and cry
Move, get up, go even harder

I know it can be scary
I know it can be tough
I know it can be discouraging
I know it can change your life

But it’s the only way to grow and fly

Go, even when you’re hurt
Grit your teeth and try again
Eventually, you’ll get it right
And everything else will be worth it

The Advent - New

Part 1 of The Shadows Series is now up on Amazon! Here's another preview for you.

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I don’t see the man that the shadow attached itself to last time, but I do see a shadow wandering around again. I follow behind it, feeling even more helpless than before. What if it attacks someone again? Is it even doing anything bad?

I want to tell myself no. That it’s harmless, or something. But I still feel so cold when I look at the shadow, as cold as I did lying in that stream, soaked through and in shock. No, I can’t ignore the shadow moving around people who are walking by unaware, especially when it drifts towards a playground. With a sinking feeling in my chest, I notice lots of younger kids around. Some parents are there, watching them or talking on their phones or just chatting with others, but none of their eyes are tracking the shadow as it slowly creeps forward.

I stop near some swings, not really knowing what to do next. Is this really happening? I want to think that this is all some hallucination of mine, despite how creepy that would be, but it would be much better than this shadow being real and moving around near a bunch of kids.

For a few minutes, though, nothing happens. The shadow doesn’t move on, but it doesn’t really get close to anyone around it, either. It just seems to be watching everyone, though there’s nothing remotely like a face on it that I can see. I wrap my arms around myself when I feel a sudden chill in the air, and then the shadow starts moving again, only this time with more purpose.

I’m also moving before I can think not to when the shadow hovers over a kid playing in a sandbox. He looks to be a little old for that, really, already in school, but he’s still a few years younger than me. I can’t just watch and stare again while the shadow does something to a little kid. Before I know it, I’m standing in front of him and he’s looking up at me skeptically, not that I can blame him.

“Hi,” I greet him awkwardly. I’m trying really hard not to notice the shadow hovering next to us. It stopped when I drew closer, like it was surprised. I feel scared that it’s there so near to both of us, but I don’t want to move away. What if it attacks the kid when I do?

“I’m not supposed to talk to strangers,” the kid says, but he’s smiling. Unable to help myself, I smile back a little. He’s cute for a little kid. We both know adults mean other adults when they tell us that. None of the parents here are giving me a second glance for walking up to him, even though I’m the oldest kid here. It’s not like I look suspicious, dressed in regular jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers.

“Me, either,” I confess, mentally rolling my eyes at the memory of my dad’s concerned voice. He isn’t home a lot, except on weekends, so even though I have plenty of people to hang out with, he still sometimes worries that I’m going to run into a stranger and get stolen away or something. Parents are paranoid that way.

“I’m Alex,” the little boy says, introducing himself while holding out a hand that’s covered in sand. I can’t help but laugh, and return the handshake, sitting down right across from him in the sandbox. It’s not like I can’t brush the sand off later. And it’s a pretty decent sandbox, actually.

The shadow is watching us both now, and I’m trying not to shiver too much at its attention being on me now, too. I don’t know how I can tell, but the feeling of being watched is intense. I don’t like it.

“Me, too,” I answer cheerfully. “My name’s Alex.” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, and he eyes me up and down for a second before grinning wider.

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Want to check out the rest of the first book in this series? You can find it here on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07P1B7LX6.

One More Time

Come down
Make it last
Let it linger
Go slower

Ready
Deep breath
To the finish
Push for more

Steady
Pace yourself
Enjoy the moment
Experience the joy

You can do it

We can do it
All the way now
One more time

Locked Inside

Hey, wanna know a secret?
There’s nowhere to hide
From the voices inside
And what they’re saying to you

Got to keep it all locked inside
Those words that made me cry
All the things they used to say
To make me give up and go away

Time to lift my head and start again
Ignore the voices in my head
They don’t really know me
I’m capable of so much more now

Got to keep it all locked inside
Those words that made me cry
All the things they used to say
To make me give up and go away

People laugh and cry and hate
How do we all go on each day?
There’s so much joy but so much
Pain, filling up every moment today

Got to keep it all locked inside
Those words that made me cry
All the things they used to say
To make me give up and go away

Just want to crawl in bed and hide
Can’t believe that I’m worth more
Until I give a little sigh and try
Prove them all wrong until I die

Got to keep it all locked inside
Those words that made me cry
All the things they used to say
To make me give up and go away

Got to keep it all locked inside
Those words that made me cry
All the things they used to say
To make me give up and go away

Those words never disappear
No matter where I go or what I do
But now I know that I can be me
Ignore those doubts screaming in my ear

Got to keep it all locked inside

Those words that made me cry
All the things they used to say
To make me give up and go away

Knock, Knock

(Knock, knock)

Look here, it’s me again
I bet you thought that I had left
That I was never coming back
How many tears did you cry?

(Knock, knock)

I wonder what you missed of
Me when I went away again
Was it my smile, my laughter?
Did you wait for me at all?

(Knock, knock)

I had so much fun while all alone
Did so many amazing things
Met people who I fell in love with
Found myself enjoying life again

(Knock, knock)

Forget all those things we said
Maybe this was meant to be
We needed to get some distance
Close our eyes and count to ten

(Knock, knock)

Funny how the simple things
Aren’t so easy to explain
Every time I try to say what I feel
I mess us up all over again

(Knock, knock)

(Knock, knock)

What do you want now?

How are you feeling about us?
Maybe we still need some more time
Let’s deal with everything tomorrow

Complicated

Hard and slick

Push and pull
Aching for more
Tender and slow
Get it right
Make the time
Put your heart
And soul into mine
Mean this
Everything
Can’t lose control
Melt from the inside
Spread all around
Heat and sweat
Gasp and sigh
Grunt and moan
Keep it real
Go again
Many more times
Erase the past
Write something new
And full and deep
A complicated journey