Desire

I’m tired lately
and the razors are now starting
to look friendly.

There’s a reason
why sometimes I don’t shave
for over a year.

Cut my nails
so that I don’t leave gouges when I
scratch my skin.

Hide the knives
in the bottom drawer with the lock
and lose the key.

What pulls at me
isn’t the immense urge to hurt myself
or enjoy the pain.

It’s the desire
to forever brand my flesh with the words
in my head.

I resist every day

but the compulsion to ruin myself
never fades.